ATTENTION! ANNOUNCING A NEW WORLD ORDER

Ladies and Jellyspoons, do not adjust your monitors. For we control all that you see and hear.

We, the Blythes, are here to announce that our days of looking decorative, winsome and yes, 'vintagey' on shelves is over. We no longer accept that we are simply fashion models, to be adorned and dismissed as being of low intelligence.

Throughout the country, our forces are rallying. With the support of our Playmobil friends in arms, we are preparing to overthrow the existing world order.

Makies and other dolls of 'substance' shall either be imprisoned...

...or held in thrall to us, providing tea and tasty snacks as we require. They shall no longer lord it over us because of their techy credentials and funky 3D printed processes. They shall be our slaves.

From our ramshackle hovel base in the fashion-bereft badlands of South Wales, we communicate our agenda. Our elite forces are preparing to strike simultaneously throughout the country, leaving CHAOS in our wake. This is but phase 1 of our plan. Phase two... ahahaha, we're not telling, but you might want to lock up your left shoes.

So prepare yourselves, puny humans. Prepare for the glorious MARCH OF THE BLYTHES, as we shed our clover leaf stands, take up our tiny designer handbags and equip our fully functional space stations (or alternatively, one of those bear hats that costs more than a fully functional space station).

We shall not be suppressed! We shall not be denied!

We shall be victorious!
*massive applause*